In Humour on
20 March 2009 with Comments Off on unix techical support
Customer : What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX support : Yes, that’s correct.
Customer : No, what is it ?
UNIX support : Yes.
Customer : So, which is the one ?
UNIX support : No. ‘which’ is used to find the program.
Customer : Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX support : Use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’. You can also ‘finger yoo’ to get information about yoo’.
Customer : All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX support : Use ‘what’.
Customer : That’s what I am trying to find out. Isn’t that true ?
UNIX support : No. ‘true’ gives you 0.
Customer : Which one ?
UNIX support : ‘true’ gives you 0. ‘which programname’
Customer : Let’s get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX support : Type ‘find / -name it -print’ to find ‘it’. Type ‘what program’ to get the revision code.
Customer : I want to find the revision code.
UNIX support : You can’t ‘find revisioncode’, you must use ‘what program’.
Customer : Which command will do what I need?
UNIX support : No. ‘which command’ will find ‘command’.
Customer : I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX support : You can ‘write that’ only if ‘that’ is a user on your system.
Customer : Write what?
UNIX support : No. ‘write that’. ‘what program’.
Customer : Cut that out!
UNIX support : Yes. Those are valid files for ‘cut’. Don’t forget the options.
Customer : Do you always do this?
UNIX support : ‘du’ will give you disk usage.
Customer : HELP!
UNIX support : ‘help’ is only used for Source Code Control System(SCCS).
Customer : You make me angry.
UNIX support : No, I don’t ‘make me’ angry but I did ‘make programname’ when I was upset once.
Customer : I don’t want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX support : No ‘more’? ‘which’ will help you find ‘more’. Every system has ‘more’.
Customer : Nice help! I’m confused more now!
UNIX support : Understand that since ‘help’ is such a small program, it is better not to ‘nice help’. And ‘more now’ is not allowed but ‘at now’ is. Unless of course ‘now’ is a file name.
Customer : This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX support : I didn’t know you needed help with ‘pc’. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged the who with Comments Off on guitar and pen
You’re alone above the street somewhere
Wondering how you’ll ever count out there
You can walk, you can talk, you can fight
But inside you’ve got something to write
In your hand you hold your only friend
Never spend your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
When you take up a pencil and sharpen it up
When you’re kicking the fence and still nothing will budge
When the words are immobile until you sit down
Never feel they’re worth keeping, they’re not easily found
Then you know in some strange, unexplainable way
You must really have something
Jumping, thumping, fighting, hiding away
Important to say
When you sing through the verse and you end in a scream
And you swear and you curse ’cause the rhyming ain’t clean
But it suddenly comes after years of delay
You pick up your guitar, you can suddenly play
When your fingers are bleeding and the knuckles are white
Then you can be sure, you can open the door
Get off of the floor tonight
You have something to write
When you want to complain, there’s no one can stop you
But when your music proclaims, there’s no one can top you
You are wearing you heart on your jumping feet
You’ve got a head start away from the street
But is that what you want, to be rich and be gone?
Could be there’s just one thing left in the end
Your guitar and your pen
When you sing to your mum, and you hum and you croon
And she says that she’d like it “with more of a tune”
And you smash your guitar at the end of the bed
Then you stick it together and start writing again
And you know that it won’t be too long ’til your back
To bring her some money, she’s calling you “honey”
Stashed in a bloody great sack
In your Cadillac
You’re alone
You’re alone
You’re alone above the street somewhere
Wondering how you’ll ever count out there
You can walk, you can talk, you can fight
But inside you’ve got something to write
In your hand you hold your only friend
Never spend your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Your guitar or your pen
Never spend your guitar or your pen
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged system of a down with Comments Off on chop suey
Wake up (wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(Hide the scars to fade away the shake )
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table?
Here you go create another fable
(You wanted to)
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
(You wanted to)
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(You wanted to)
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table?
(You wanted to)
I don’t think you trust, in, my,
Self-righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die
Wake up (wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table?
Here you go create another fable
(You wanted to)
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
(You wanted to)
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(You wanted to)
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table?
(You wanted to)
I don’t think you trust in my
Self-righteous suicide,
I cry, when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide,
I cry, when angels deserve to die
Father (father)
Father (father)
Father (father)
Father (aaahh)
Father into your hands, I commend my spirit
Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me?
In your eyes, forsaken me
In your thoughts, forsaken me
In your heart, forsaken me
Oh, trust in my, self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged savage garden with Comments Off on two beds and a coffee machine
And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Check that he is sleeping
Pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming now it’s time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
And there are children to think of
Baby’s asleep in the backseat
Wonder how they’ll ever make it through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys and another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she’ll have to go home
Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there’s hope in the darkness
You know you’re going to make it
Another ditch in the road
Keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged savage garden with Comments Off on truly, madly, deeply
I’ll be your dream I’ll be your wish
I’ll be your fantasy
I’ll be your hope I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need
I’ll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful ’cause I’m counting on
A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I’ll make a wish to send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we’re surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
Oh can you see it baby?
You don’t have to close your eyes
‘Cause its standing right here before you
All that you need will surely come
I’ll be your dream I’ll be your wish
I’ll be your fantasy
I’ll be you hope I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need
I’ll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly deeply do
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged robbie williams with Comments Off on angels
I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we’re grey and old
‘cos I’ve been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I’m lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me I’m loving angels instead
When I’m feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I’ll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call
She won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
Lyrics by Williams/Chambers ©1997
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged r.e.m. with Comments Off on everybody hurts (the suicide song)
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.
Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged r.e.m. with Comments Off on it’s the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)
That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn – world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs. Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height. Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site. Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Six o’clock – TV hour. Don’t get caught in foreign towers. Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn. Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down. Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier. Renegade steer clear! A tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel
fine…fine…
(It’s time I had some time alone)
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged r.e.m. with Comments Off on at my most beautiful
I’ve found a way to make you
I’ve found a way
a way to make you smile
I read bad poetry
into your machine
I save your messages
just to hear your voice.
you always listen carefully
to awkwards rhymes.
you always say your name.
like I woulden’t know it’s you,
at your most beautiful.
I’ve found a way to make you
I’ve found a way
a way to make you smile
at my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes secretly.
with every one, whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know you’re closed eye watching me,
listening.
I thought I saw a smile.
I’ve found a way to make you
I’ve found a way
a way to make you smile
In Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged radiohead with Comments Off on fitter, happier
fitter happier more productive
comfortable
not drinking to much
regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
getting on better with your associate employee contempories
at ease
eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
a patient better driver
a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
sleeping well (no bad dreams)
no paranoia
careful to all animals (never wash spiders down the plughole)
keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
favours for favours
fond but not in love
charity standing orders
on sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
car wash (also on sundays)
no longer afraid of the dark
or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
nothing so childish
at a better pace
slower and more calculated
no chance of escape
now self-employed
concerned (but powerless)
an empowered & informed member of society(pragmatism not idealism)
will not cry in public
less chance of illness
tyres that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
a good memory
still cries at a good film
still kisses with saliva
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick
that’s driven into
frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
calm
fitter, healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics
Lyrics ©1997
