unix techical support
Customer : What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX support : Yes, that’s correct.
Customer : No, what is it ?
UNIX support : Yes.
Customer : So, which is the one ?
UNIX support : No. ‘which’ is used to find the program.
Customer : Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX support : Use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’. You can also ‘finger yoo’ to get information about yoo’.
Customer : All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX support : Use ‘what’.
Customer : That’s what I am trying to find out. Isn’t that true ?
UNIX support : No. ‘true’ gives you 0.
Customer : Which one ?
UNIX support : ‘true’ gives you 0. ‘which programname’
Customer : Let’s get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX support : Type ‘find / -name it -print’ to find ‘it’. Type ‘what program’ to get the revision code.
Customer : I want to find the revision code.
UNIX support : You can’t ‘find revisioncode’, you must use ‘what program’.
Customer : Which command will do what I need?
UNIX support : No. ‘which command’ will find ‘command’.
Customer : I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX support : You can ‘write that’ only if ‘that’ is a user on your system.
Customer : Write what?
UNIX support : No. ‘write that’. ‘what program’.
Customer : Cut that out!
UNIX support : Yes. Those are valid files for ‘cut’. Don’t forget the options.
Customer : Do you always do this?
UNIX support : ‘du’ will give you disk usage.
Customer : HELP!
UNIX support : ‘help’ is only used for Source Code Control System(SCCS).
Customer : You make me angry.
UNIX support : No, I don’t ‘make me’ angry but I did ‘make programname’ when I was upset once.
Customer : I don’t want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX support : No ‘more’? ‘which’ will help you find ‘more’. Every system has ‘more’.
Customer : Nice help! I’m confused more now!
UNIX support : Understand that since ‘help’ is such a small program, it is better not to ‘nice help’. And ‘more now’ is not allowed but ‘at now’ is. Unless of course ‘now’ is a file name.
Customer : This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX support : I didn’t know you needed help with ‘pc’. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.